It would appear that this character has hacked her way through the fourth wall to forcibly edit her own dossier. The website management team apologizes for this intrusion and will rectify it as soon as we regain control. We appreciate your patience.
Trish Merewald
Birthdate: |
April 5, 1988, so I was born under the star sign of Bitemyassius |
Location: |
A hospital detox center. How fucked up is that? |
Birth Name: |
Patricia Merewald. Don’t even try it. |
Aliases: |
Queen of the World |
Family History
Apparently it was awesome long long ago in the beforetime, but in more recent generations, it sucked.
Parents: |
A dipshit stoner and a douchebag petty criminal. I’ll leave it to you to guess which was which. Oh no wait, that applies to each of them. |
Siblings: |
None. Yay for birth control that mostly works. |
Spouse: |
Don Hobart, the nicest man in the whole world, proven by the fact that he loves a loud pissy freak like me. |
Children: |
Yay for birth control that actually works. |
Appearance
General: |
I’m hot. Shut up, I am, and you wish you were me. |
Hair: |
Dark brown, but sometimes I think I should dye it some weird-ass colour just to see who’d get pissed off. But then I realize it’d be me. Damn it. |
Eyes: |
Brown, but if you lean in too close to look, I’ll probably hurt you. |
Height: |
5’7” but I appear taller from sheer presence alone. |
Build: |
I rock my little black dress. |
Skin: |
Pale because if I go in the sun too much, I’ll freckle and while a few on the nose are cute, I have enough trouble convincing people I’m not too young for my job. |
Style: |
Sizzling. Unless I don’t feel like it, in which case I’ll wear sweats and everyone should learn to love it. |
Closest celebrity look-alike: |
Somewhere between Winona Ryder and Natalie Portman except I actually have boobs. |
Professional
Education: |
Is for people who have time to waste. I might die tomorrow. I zipped through the CCIE (Security) Jason made me do so I could work at his company. If you need my resume to list some more, I can hack the systems of whatever school you prefer and print out a transcript with a sweet GPA. Not that I’d really do that, since it’d violate the terms of my parole, but I could. If I wanted. Just sayin’. |
Employment: |
I started at the IT Help Desk at Gaia Global and now I’m CTO, and only with a bit of browbeating on the CEO, who happens to be my best friend and former guardian. But I kick ass at it so feel free to complain loudly into this bit bucket I’m holding in front of you. |
Special Talents/Powers
I hacked into this form from a fictional world, didn’t I?
Personal
Political Leanings: |
Republicans suck because they’re wrong. Democrats suck because they’re weenies. Greens in the US suck because they’re a third party made up of stoners and Democrat rejects. I demand the Zombie Wellstone for President!
|
Pet Issues: |
Why the fuck hasn’t the Equal Rights Amendment passed yet? Seriously. And gay people should be able to get married. And let’s stop polluting the snot out of everything. Oh, and I can haz universal health care? No? Sigh. I’d move to Canada except…hang on…I’m trying to think of a good reason…oh wait, I hate maple syrup. That and I’m too lazy. |
Interests/Hobbies: |
Teasing Jason, anything geeky, and sex with my sweetie husband. Not necessarily in that order, although I do like to jump my husband and then, when I've worn him out, go down to the parlour and mock Jason about whatever he's trying to quietly read. That’s a good way to spend a Saturday morning. |
Quirks: |
Some people think I swear too much. Fuck them. Some other people say I’m self-contradictory, but that’s not true except when it is. |
“Finding Gaia” Excerpt
Trish muttered, “Holy shit, it’s like having a dog, only way angstier.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not a real word,” Don replied.
“Hey, I’ve lived half my life with a lonely immortal guy with a gigantic guilt monkey on his back. If anyone’s allowed to engage in derivation of new forms of ‘angst’, it’s me.”
* * *
